Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
