fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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