i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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