im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
