He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
