i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
