i need an iv and a liver transplant
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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