i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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