as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
