You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
