So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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