I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
