only if we run a train.
done.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
