My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
