if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
