The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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