I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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