I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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