woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
