i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
