If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if i died would you start the facebook group?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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