So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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