You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
