...so i touched it.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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