Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
