This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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