dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
