I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
