I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
