she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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