a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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