dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
