never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
