Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
