you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
