I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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