My sheets look like a crime scene.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
