There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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