Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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