Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
