ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
false alarm, still single
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