I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
