After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize