4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
