I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
