I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
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