Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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