my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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