Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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