its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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