I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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