if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
