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• (410): View more from Maryland

  i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.

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• (864): View more from South Carolina

  you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk

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• (619): View more from California

  guys are not supposed to queef...right?

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• (425): View more from Washington

  he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD

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• (516): View more from New York

  i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.

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• (773): View more from Illinois

  apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?

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• (818): View more from California

  i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?

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