I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
