Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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