hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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