how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
