my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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