You made me cry and you don't even care
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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