If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
