listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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