That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
