Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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