god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
