alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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