The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
