Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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