You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
