Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm at about main and main street
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
