dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
