your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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