I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
