Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
