dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
