I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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